Revival Beach

by The Burning Hell

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1.
Friend Army 02:45
When we're born, we are song-less Then Jesus writes a jingle on our chests At thirteen, we rap-battle with rabbis and wise guys And I was beaten by a Buddhist who told me this: If you like friend, You'll love boyfriend. If you like boyfriend, You'll love movie. If you like movie, You'll love theme song. If you like theme song, You'll love band. I dreamt of a policeman on a unicorn And the unicorn wore a police unicorn uniform They ran me down until I stumbled and I was stabbed by its magic horn Just before waking I remembered I was warned: If you like band, You'll love festival. If you like festival, You'll love experience. If you like experience, you'll love job. If you like job, You'll love army.
2.
3.
I worked at the hospital emergency room When you came in with a gunshot wound And I fell for you In your bloodstained dress Yes, I confess it was love at first sight And as a Registered Nurse I fight To save the lives of every girl and guy That's wheeled through the door For you, I fought a little more You, you pulled through, You said it was a boy in blue Who had done this to you, then there was a video, and everybody knew, But everybody also knew that this happens every day, and it was hardly news But I couldn't cope, I clutched my stethoscope so tight it broke Almost revoked my Hippocratic oath I thought if that cop comes in shot through the throat, you know, I might just be a little slow We were crowned king and queen And the Renaissance theme Was a hit with your relatives; fifteen lutes and tambourines Played us down the aisle, and your smile was the best I'd ever seen Then we danced the night away, Geoff played Daloy Politzei I drank too much champagne, I nearly sprained my ankle tripping on your train Then there was you and there was me, and it's true, ACAB, But you whispered "me and you, mister, we're stronger than any cop could ever be." There was you, and there was me.
4.
Canadian wine in a red plastic cup Receiving line: I throw up On the shoes of the groom A handsome paralegal named Kevin My limit is five, and I had seven The dance floor spins, it's LED magic Macarena begins, and it's fantastic The beat so digital Three hundred pairs of hands know the moves I loosen my tie, and kick off my shoes What a wonderful night for folks to get married If it's all right, I'll stay here for a while There's a bright white light there on the horizon The white light stays when I close my eyes What's a girl like you doing at a wedding like this? You said "I'm the bride, recognize the dress?" The function room trembled Silver and glassware rattled and you grabbed my lapels The cake table crumbled, the chandelier fell We ducked for cover as the ceiling fell in We held one another and held our breath in And in the final flash of heat you asked me "Are you a guest of Kevin's or a guest of mine?" I said to be honest, I just came for the wine What a wonderful night for people to get married If it's all right, I'll stay here for a while There's a bright white light there on the horizon The white light stays when I close my eyes The white light stays when I close my eyes The white light stays when I close my eyes
5.
The Troll 03:51
It wasn't trolling; I rolled bowling emojis into the gutters of browsers But my best body English could not make them mean what I meant Like a boarding school bully pulling down trousers They said I secretly just wanted hugs, or the online equivalent But I'm neither maudlin hobgoblin, sad spammer, nor lurking skulker; No alien-ranting Raelian; no slinger of Kennedy conspiracies I'm a binary Luther, I nail theses to the comment threads and protect my head from the vultures I type John 8:32 and the digital storm clouds gather over me So I shift six, make a circumflex umbrella Tell the sky guy to take a high dive off a low board The rain lashes back in black backslashes, But I'm a backsplash and drops bounce like balls on the walls of a squash court It's too late for the haters to learn later is better than never So don't say, come doomsday, I didn't say it was so If you hear giggling mingling with the storms of the nuclear weather That's just the sound of me down in my bunker ROTFLMAO
6.
7.
Remember when we were kids, we'd go skating on the river near the famous drowning of seventy-two I was so bad at skating but I wanted to move like Kurt Browning for you And the ice was so clear we could see our reflections in it I fell down and bruised my tailbone just to get your attention for a minute Well now we're old And it never gets cold I'm still sore And the river never freezes anymore Remember that winter when we got snowed in and the power was out for a couple days or so Your parents stayed inside and got wasted and they thought we didn't know But we waited until they were fast asleep and poured their half empty glasses into mason jars And we went out that night and laid down on the river, and that was the first time I think I really noticed the stars We went careening down the ice Contravening advice You kissed me at the bridge by the store And the river never freezes anymore Let's be honest, I look better in a parka than a bathing suit And I was wearing a very nice parka that night on the river when you told me I wasn't exactly good looking, but you thought I was cute I was like, I'm barely a teenager, I'm not supposed to believe in nostalgia But I remember predicting I'd feel it later, that night on the river when I held you Well, I guess I told me so And that's how it goes Here's to all the dinosaurs 'Cause the river never freezes anymore
8.
"Fire in the hole," said the SS officer to the private as he left the lavatory with a laugh The private held his nose with one hand and his privates with the other, he thought, oh brother, undercover isn't really all that The private spent his Deutschmark in the porcelain park and came back laughing 'cause he didn't want to seem suspicious There was a plot, see this fake Nazi was a Scot, he shot a lot of proper Nazis, never got caught, working for the British He said "deal me in, boys, I want to win some tin from all you top dogs Oh, hot dog, look at that, a hell of a hand!" They guffawed and said "mein Gott, you really don't know when to stop, You've lost a lot, you sure put the debt in Sudetenland" He said "well, read em and weep, dudes, I'm playing for keeps, and you fascists put the asses back into fiasco" And with that he flicked his wrist and a gave a silent sharp kiss to their Nazi necks, said "this is how we say goodbye in Glasgow!" Back in England the King would sing the praises of the soldiers And their shoulders bent lower with the medals on their chests But our Scotsman he got a different lot, 'cause as a secret spy His true profession, it could never be professed He was visiting his sister in the south and she said "listen, Mister Mouth," (that was his nickname ever since their adolescence) "There's a house just down the road where lots of ladies go and I know one who You might know, sent for convalescence Her name is Unity Valkyrie, and her family name is Mitford, yes, the famous Mitford sisters, that aristocratic litter At the first opportunity, Unity left her home community and she foolishly flew to Germany and became best friends with Hitler And now she's back and she's on her back in that convalescent cottage But it's quite odd 'cause no one's sure what ails or what will cure her Girl after girl seems to go into the front door, and babies out the back door, And what we don't need is a little baby Führer" At zero nine hundred hours our hero picked a peck of flowers And let his bouquet lead the way into the infamous infirmary He was a spy not a midwife but he swore upon his life That babies yelling and big bellies were a mark of mass maternity Well, no one knows what happened, or what didn't come to pass, In any case the world is safe from an English Orphan Hitler And our Scottish spy retired, never gave a reason why, He just lived out a quiet life as a full-time babysitter
9.
Mr. Sensible 02:18
Pink ceramic cat lamp On the desk of Mr. Sensible Tiny black ceramic eyeballs In your pink ceramic face A factory in Guangzhou Made seven million of you Your brothers and your sisters A pink ceramic kitty litter Mr. Sensible adores you Though you don't fit with his decor He never had a real cat His allergies prevented that He's busy signing documents By the order of the government A factory will open here Making pink ceramic cat lamps
10.
11.
Don't have a cow, man It's alright Just minor changes The second chapter Could use some work And rearranging But in general I really like the story arc I find the landscape descriptions believably stark And your characters, for the most part, are well-developed but not over-explained And I love the recurring device of the poisonous rain: It emphasizes dramatic peaks in the narrative Like the ultimatum the emperor gives: it sounds extra-imperative And I was floored by the Doors of Decision, when she finally understands They all lead back to the start of the labyrinth, and this was all part of his plan So don't have a cow, man It's alright Just minor changes
12.
White plastic lilies are wilting in bottles Of Bombay Sapphire Gin Somebody left the front door standing open, And let all of nobody in The piano is playing but nobody’s staying To hear the young troubadour out His songs blur together and go on forever No one knows what they’re about Dollar store candles reflect as they flicker In glasses of cocktail drinks Which later that evening the staff will be leaving In bleach-filled stainless steel sinks The new smoking bylaw will be a break for the barman But now he sweeps up the butts from the floor He closes his eyes for a moment and sighs At three in the morning as he locks the front door White plastic lilies are wilting in bottles Of Bombay Sapphire gin Somebody left the front door standing open, And let all of nobody in
13.
Supermoon 03:27
Sorry to turn on the light I hate to wake you in the middle of the night But you were snoring like you were being waterboarded And you know how I feel about torture (Yes, I know how you feel about torture) It's all over, though it's hard to believe it We should pack whatever is needed Then haul our affairs down the apples and pears And make like a drummer and beat it (I'm gonna make like a drummer and beat it) It's coming up, a supermoon We'll dance like sailors danced Back in the days when there were sailors and dancing We'll shake like everyone's watching and we know how to move The cha-cha-cha and the boogaloo, too A cocktail shaker, a karaoke machine We'll bring one of each Then meet our friends where the moonlight hits the sand Down on Revival Beach (Down on Revival Beach) Kevin brought the wine from the wedding The troll gets the glasses and pours The patient and the nurse say hey it could be worse At least we don't have to work anymore (No one has to work anymore) It's coming up, a supermoon We'll sing all the songs we hardly know how to sing, but we'll sing regardless Pass the wine, remember the government? Looks like their bill came due But who needs a government when there's dancing to do? It's coming up, a supermoon Considering the chaos and upheaval this is all much more medieval than evil Bonfires and beaches, passionate speeches, Darren plays a little tune on the lute Let's start again, get the juice and the gin, and put on your birthday suit

credits

released September 29, 2017

Performed by Darren Browne, Mathias Kom, and Ariel Sharratt, with special guests Claire Dugué (hurdy gurdy), Mike "Cowbell" Collins (cowbell), and Al Harle (tape delays, solina)

Recorded and mixed by Al Harle at Big Jelly Studios in Ramsgate UK, June 2017. Produced by Al Harle and The Burning Hell. Mastered by John Winfield.

Cover painting "Revival Beach" by Shary Boyle.
Layout and design by Ariel Sharratt.

All songs written by Mathias Kom, © SOCAN 2017, and arranged by The Burning Hell, except "Race to Revival Beach" by Ariel Sharratt, and "Survival at Revival Beach" by Darren Browne. "Arrival at Revival Beach" by Darren Browne and Mathias Kom.

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The Burning Hell

The Burning Hell is the alter-ego of Canadian songwriter Mathias Kom, and consists of him plus Ariel Sharratt (clarinet and drums) and Darren Browne (bouzouki and bass).

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