The Babysitter

from by The Burning Hell

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"Fire in the hole," said the SS officer to the private as he left the lavatory with a laugh
The private held his nose with one hand and his privates with the other, he thought, oh brother, undercover isn't really all that

The private spent his Deutschmark in the porcelain park and came back laughing 'cause he didn't want to seem suspicious
There was a plot, see this fake Nazi was a Scot, he shot a lot of proper Nazis, never got caught, working for the British

He said "deal me in, boys, I want to win some tin from all you top dogs
Oh, hot dog, look at that, a hell of a hand!"
They guffawed and said "mein Gott, you really don't know when to stop,
You've lost a lot, you sure put the debt in Sudetenland"

He said "well, read em and weep, dudes, I'm playing for keeps, and you fascists put the asses back into fiasco"
And with that he flicked his wrist and a gave a silent sharp kiss to their Nazi necks, said "this is how we say goodbye in Glasgow!"

Back in England the King would sing the praises of the soldiers
And their shoulders bent lower with the medals on their chests
But our Scotsman he got a different lot, 'cause as a secret spy
His true profession, it could never be professed

He was visiting his sister in the south and she said "listen, Mister Mouth,"
(that was his nickname ever since their adolescence)
"There's a house just down the road where lots of ladies go and I know one who
You might know, sent for convalescence

Her name is Unity Valkyrie, and her family name is Mitford, yes, the famous Mitford sisters, that aristocratic litter
At the first opportunity, Unity left her home community and she foolishly flew to Germany and became best friends with Hitler

And now she's back and she's on her back in that convalescent cottage
But it's quite odd 'cause no one's sure what ails or what will cure her
Girl after girl seems to go into the front door, and babies out the back door,
And what we don't need is a little baby Führer"

At zero nine hundred hours our hero picked a peck of flowers
And let his bouquet lead the way into the infamous infirmary
He was a spy not a midwife but he swore upon his life
That babies yelling and big bellies were a mark of mass maternity

Well, no one knows what happened, or what didn't come to pass,
In any case the world is safe from an English Orphan Hitler
And our Scottish spy retired, never gave a reason why,
He just lived out a quiet life as a full-time babysitter


from Revival Beach, released September 29, 2017
Written by Mathias Kom
Darren Browne: bass
Ariel Sharratt: drums, cheese grater, pot
Mathias Kom: guitar, solina, guiro, vocals


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The Burning Hell

The Burning Hell is the alter-ego of Canadian songwriter Mathias Kom, and consists of him plus Ariel Sharratt (clarinet), Nick Ferrio (bass), and Darren Browne (guitar).


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