My attempt to tell a more historically accurate version of poor Wenceslas’ life. Nice guys finish last, even in 10th-century Bohemia. The first two lines are stolen from the original by John Mason Neale (1853), the rest are mine, and the tune is the same one that Neale himself lifted from the 13th century hymn “Tempus adest floridum.”

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Good king Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
Many people milled about
But they could not see him
For you see, he was a ghost
Spectral, sad and eerie
He found haunting his old castle most
Dispiriting and dreary

He had a violent childhood
In tenth century Bohemia
At scheming were the nobles good
But his kin was e’en schemier
When Wenceslas was just a lad
His grandmother the Regent
Was murdered by his mother’s hand
Which was really most indecent

His mom was a pagan queen
She hated stupid Christians
But when Wency turned eighteen
He led a resistance
Sent his mom into exile
Said I’ll be a good sovereign
With a chill relaxed lifestyle
Making peace and feasting often

He was nice to everyone
Even women and peasants
I bet you’ve guessed I’m leading up
To something quite unpleasant
His little brother Boleslav
Was plotting with his buddies
One day they killed poor Wenceslas
It was mean and very bloody

Now Wenceslas is quite morose
Having been most cruelly murdered
He has no friends, now he’s a ghost
No colleagues or co-workers
He must admit his brother is
A leader good and clever
But as a general human being
Wency knows that he was better