An ode to one of the most underrated and unfairly maligned days of the Gregorian calendar, a day which I think we should really start celebrating properly.

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One Friday night in Asgard
The gods were feeling hale and hearty
Twelve of them were drinking
Then Loki crashed the party
Odin said we’ve only got twelve chairs
You’ll have to sit it out
So Loki killed his favourite kid
And this superstition came about

But some say it was Jesus
Noshing on his Final Feast
With eleven of his bestest buds
And Judas made thirteen
It was a Maundy Thursday
Half-price wing night in Jerusalem
They stayed up till Friday morning
And you know what happened then

But Stevie Wonder told me
Superstition ain’t the way
And I’d take Stevie over popes
and Norse historians any day
So you can keep your Christmas,
Your Eid and Halloween
Keep Rosh Hashannah if you wanna
Leave me Friday the 13th

Some people argue the fear started
Only in 1307
When Phil the 4th of France
Said these Knights Templar, let’s behead ‘em
And it was a Friday the 13th
When this supposedly went down
But be careful learning history
From the novels of Dan Brown

Then the 1980s came along
An age of culture, charm and class
Like Jason Voorhees with his machete
And his stupid goalie mask
And like all the slasher franchises
It seemed it would never end
But Friday the 13th films?
They only finished twelve of them!

And Stevie Wonder told me
Superstition ain’t the way
And I’ll take Stevie over knights
and serial killers any day
Yes you can keep your Christmas,
Your Eid and Halloween
Keep Rosh Hashannah if you wanna
Leave me Friday the 13th

But you know, I didn’t always
believe these things I’ve told ya
In fact I used to suffer from
paraskevidekatriaphobia
But then in high school all my friends
Decided they were goths
They loved Friday the Thirteenth a lot
Or should I say a loth

Each time it came around
They’d light thirteen tall black candles
We’d watch Buffy and drink absinthe
In our black flannel pajamles
We’d limbo under ladders
And smash mirrors on the floor
I must admit I don’t know why
We don’t do that anymore

‘Cause Stevie Wonder told me
Superstition ain’t the way
And I’ll take Stevie over popes
and Norse historians any day
So you can keep your Christmas,
Your Eid and Halloween
Keep Rosh Hashannah if you wanna
Leave me Friday the 13th