Like any thalassocracy, the city state of Venice attached a great deal of importance to the sea, and has made a big deal about it for at least the last thousand years or so. But in the 12th century, an annual celebration of the sea took on a somewhat more romantic tone, and since then it’s been known as the “Marriage of the Sea,” in which the mayor of Venice rides a golden boat and throws a ring into the water, wedding the city to the sea for another year. In this song I imagined myself as a particularly amorous Venetian mayor. The details of the Marriage of the Sea are so incredibly wonderful (including the blessing I quote here) that I urge you to rush to your nearest search engine and look it up for yourself. Let’s hope the Bucentaur gets rebuilt soon. And thanks to Sibsi for suggesting I write a song about this fabulous holiday in the first place.

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My hands are shaking
What will I wear?
My palms are clammy
How should I do my hair
Which of these enormous hats
Will look the prettiest on me
On the day of my marriage to the sea

My marriage was arranged
But I’m a old-fashioned guy
So I don’t really mind
A pre-ordained bride
When I was elected
My responsibility
Every year was to get married to the sea

Listen to the chanting priests
My little holy troubadours
Aspergēs mē hȳsōpō,
et mundābor
It means sprinkle me with hyssop
And then I will be clean
On the day of my marriage to the sea

Many centuries ago
An old pope donated a ring
To be thrown into the waves
A bit of Vatican bling
And every year since
By tradition and decree
We toss another fancy ring into the sea

Look, here’s my golden boat
A wonder to behold
It has a golden throne
And lots of sculptures, also gold.
And when I sail upon her
Everybody looks at me
Because they know I’m getting married to the sea

My advisors lecture me
That the ceremony
Weds the sea to the city
Not to me personally
But they’re tiring and pedantic,
That’s a technicality;
I say it’s me that’s getting married to the sea

The big day is finally here:
I will say I do
Then all the fishes and the dolphins
And the squids say “I do too”
‘Cause that’s just how we roll
in a thalassocracy
And you’re invited to my marriage to the sea